Don't we? Don't you? There is this ache. This hope that we matter. That we are worth that glance.
"Mama! Mama! Mama!" Endlessly the call out. "Mommy watch!" When I turn... It's that smile that tells it. She has found witness. Her joy can be full. Now she can dance. Give in to the rush of deep giggle. She can rest lung... She isn't passed over.
Tonight as she asked me to witness her life again. This time in kitchen. Over such glorious silliness. I could only smile. It's crazy really. We don't change. Not at core. We still beg witness. We still weary lung as we call out for someone to see. For someone to glance and smile. A pause that's personal.
In sneaks up in alot of ways. Sometimes it's to spouse... Wondering if we still have the art of flirt. Wanting witness can be shear joy too. This amazing flood of letting go to pull Love in. Other times it maybe about a friend. This deep fear we suffer, question haunt. Do they think I'm worth it? Will they witness the real me and not walk away.... At times inner circle. Our parents. Even as adults we still call out, "Dad! Dad! Witness me! See my life. Glance at me and wink that I was worth the head turning". Weird? No. Not really. We're hungry. Always this hunger.
Two things come to thought. One is this. When we witness someone's life moments, we give away a powerful gift. God loves like that. He stops and always sees. No matter how many times He has seen us twirl before. Because we matter to Him. Alot.
This turning then, when done toward another, can be His heart touching that person. Us being used to be a holy voice. A voice that says it, like we need it. You are noticed. By God. And by me too. Don't be in such a rush you don't have time to glance at that elderly woman slow to push that cart. Look into her eyes. She matters. Don't be so busy you can't stop to see how high your son jumps from swing. To him it's close to the moon. And your spouse? Those baby steps to beat that habit and grow clinging to grace... That's huge. Stop! Witness the lives God graces you with. People are worth the glance. A glance can be a holy story.
My second pondering is this. Him. This God of incredible grace. This One who loves so endlessly. He always witnesses you. He not only glances at you, He savors it. He traces your hand as you grow. Grow up into grace. Into trusting this love. He smiles when you are brave enough to try that new thing. When you tremble letting go of the old. When you are tired, but do right anyway. When you grit teeth, stepping out to find out if He is truly enough. This journey of our faith is precious to God. You are precious to God. He does not turn His face. He is not too busy for your voice, for your plea..." Watch me! Please Abba, look into my face and tell me I am worth the pause. Worth a smile, an eye full of glisten. Worth the effort...Of Jesus sweat." We cry it out. Just like three year old in kitchen.
There is this. He isn't like human shun. There won't ever be a time when He won't be the doting Dad. Eyes full of delight over this child, this life... This you. The Word tells us His thoughts are so many toward us, we could not count them!! Stop. Hear this! He thinks about YOU so often, so much, you wouldn't be able to number the times. ( Psalm 40:5) So. Then. It's ok if your Dad doesn't have the time. It's ok if he closes his eyes when your heart begs them open. There is One who sees. It's ok if you are not the favored one. There is One who has given you HIS favor, overwhelmingly. If you feel alone, friendless, lost, and passed over... You can rest now. There is One who has chosen you. You. Life has taken from you, people have taken. Rise up! There is One who has Given you His everything.
It's hard to hear when pain is loud. Hard to see when reality has scarred. I know. I too have a story. It isn't a promise of easy that would save. Its Who. Who loves you? Who takes the time? Who stays close when you don't? Who smiles when your brave, and holds soft when your not? Who sees... You? God is always your witness. You are endlessly loved.
Next time you hear a "watch me!" from the lips of the small, remember this. HE does. Watch you. Witnesses your wonder and your hard. He always stays and has the time. Always. And this too... Don't live so fast you miss the gift of being witness. To God and all this crazy grace, and to the people He puts in your path.
"As God as my witness..." Mmm. Maybe we would do well to ponder that.
Today, you are loved. Rest in it.
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