This resort, these moments. You telling me you wanted to tell me a secret. So we walked the grounds as the Jazz played live.
( Now )
( Then )
( Now )
I had been coming here, coffee in hand, just to listen to jazz, for years. I watched couples in love, families on vacation, and waitresses serve smooth like the notes all about them. This place was romantic to me. Even before I "knew" you.
But that night... It was different. I did know you. As a friend, indeed as the only one I had ever loved. You took me to dinner here, not even knowing it was my favorite place. You, it seems, had a secret to tell. So we walked. And each place I suggested to sit, you would analyze a bit flustered.
You.
So young and entirely handsome, and ever weakening to my knees. This nervous, wonderful you!
Then that fountain. Way up high... In the raised walkways and gardens above. You were satisfied with it. And now I know why. Because now I know you so well. You love the secret of love. The beautiful, just you and I, of love. And that place... It was above the bustle, tucked away, a safe space for our "us".
I love the secret of us too. The holy space that only we may enter. The incredible of His love, in "us" exclusive. How I cherish this part of you years later... So this place you chose then, to ask me if I would... It was perfect.
You kneeled and I reeled. We laughed, and I said yes. Always yes.
( Then )
The years we have shared have not been fairytale. They haven't been predictable. And they certainly haven't always been easy. We have walked hard roads. And how could we know then that the hard roads are the loom on which love's tapestry is made.
You and me.
When three babies went home...
When jobs were lost...
When family troubles made us bleed...
When moves were made...
And expectations were crushed and hopes were lost...
When your young bride was demanding, self seeking, and lost...
When disagreements took our sleep in late night hours....
When you worked so many hours we felt exhausted and lonely...
When we looked scared into one another, and chose the counseling seats.
Love isn't easy. It can't be. It is fought for, and won, again and again... Because love is more then diamond cut and size. More than how he proposed and what she wore. It's deeper than public affection, and weekend getaways.
Love is a choice. It's being in love with loving, because Jesus loved us first. Its giving that, and living that, even when you feel numb. Numb from trials done unto you. Numb from exhaustion, disappointment, and pain. Numb from it just being stinkin hard sometimes.
So being back at this resort tonight. 13.5 years later? Holding your hand as we walked to the place where you " told me your secret" with a ring... Sitting beside you there now... Like this... Smiling and joking about our youth...About how we have changed... Well, it's just been perfect.
Perfect because we aren't. And we are ok with it.
There has been this growing. This becoming ok with the other seeing us raw. Nakedness of soul and spirit. And in this place, choosing to be there for the other. Never entertaining the thought of quitting, and clinging to the power of promise. You and me. Being ok with showing our ugly, our deepest needs, and most shameful fears. And what we have found?
1 Corinthians 13. That Gods love is the most romantic love. The most enduring and fulfilling love. The strength to stay in love and be love to each other.
Not the video store, movie screen, scripted love. But rather the kind that goes so deep it aches within the whole of you. An echo of His eternal promise. The slow blooming of Gods reward for the staying.
In the hard things, the scary times... It can be hard to see. But each time we have pushed through together...coming out onto the other side of the thing... He has been there. Giving us the deeper, fuller, more passionate.
No couple can make love without Jesus Christ. That's the real raw of it.
And how we have been learning the true of this the last 13.5 years. And would we want it any other way? I can see the answer in your every smile, kiss, and held hand.
Marital love is best when both realize they can't without Jesus. Us coming to the knowing that we are simply not enough. That bedroom passion ends if it doesn't have a reason beyond hormones and expensive jeans. That soft smiles, side winks, couch cuddles, and testimonies are born from the deep working out of Jesus Christ personal inside our selves and then given away.
( Then )
( Now )
So this looking back and looking in? It has been like warmth to me. Because baby, we are doing it. We have known the true of needing help, and the savoring Grace of His always coming. Day in and day out. In sheer happiness, and through tormenting hard. God is good. And we are "us" because He is.
I, my sweet lover, have loved each moment of you. Each season of learning, and messy grappling forward. I wouldn't trade a day. I wouldn't change a moment... Because saying yes to you has let me know what indescribable love is. With a personal God, and with you...my dearest friend. It has shown me what deep gifts are buried in the hard things. How art takes time, thought, and a settled spirit.
( The beginning )
Love is a journey. It comes softly and quietly each time you lay down your life in the mundane everydays. It's in the endless rubbing away my migraines, and notes in lunches made at midnight. It's in grieving the loss of our children, and in crying because we don't know how we are gonna make it out of the hard. It's in dirty dishes and cleaning carpets. Support given in the 60 hour work weeks, and going crazy mom days. It's in the courage I find when I hold your hand. In making romance when we can't find a sitter...again. Lol. It's in the determination.
Love is the greatest. His word tells us that. And marriage gives us a chance to know it. Thank you for giving me this gift Love. For letting me know God like this, and you like this. It has been the greatest joy of my life.
Marriage is my favorite art to witness. God makes such incredible tapestry's of testimony. And I love to hear His stories. It's encouragement to keep up the good fight. To push through and KNOW that Jesus will come and save the day. All of us in this privelege tell His story. This way He loves us, the church. Each time we forgive, love anyway, or lay down what we want.
If your a bride or groom 1, 13.5, or 50 years in.... Stay. It's worth it.
I for one, would love to hear your story.
