I keep thinking this week that there has to be a way to go through the tough things and not feel clausetaphobic. A way to live and not simply survive suffocation.
Well. I am the chief of the forgetful. I am sure I would come in at top 5 of the seemingly ditzy, simply because I forget! A lot! Two things here. One, I am human. A silly, stupid sheep in my Lord's beloved flock. And two, going too fast makes me forget. Our speed can mislead.
We chase after what we have to do. We chase after what we think we want. We chase after the relationships we think will fulfill. We chase after bargains. We chase after time frames and narrow slots. We race to be first. We race to be beautiful. We run to avoid tripping...aaaand we fall flat on our speedy faces. Ha! Because we are missing the point. I.... Am missing the point. Again. Oh and in case you aren't getting the picture? I. Forgot. Again.
So I emailed a woman I count friend and asked her advice. How do I slow live, in seasons that I cannot thin out? Seasons in which the circumstances just are. Are hard. Full. Required. How do I keep "being" of the seeing?
Pay attention.
Always choose to pay attention. This alert awareness that God hasn't stopped loving. That He hasn't stopped making the beautiful and painting on butterfly backs. That even when I wiz by and see only blurr, the field of wildflowers is still that... Wildflowers. Tiny, amazing in design, wildflowers. But. Will I pay attention?
She encouraged me to have time to be awed. Be awed by the crazy details God spins, paints, weaves, and wittles. This Artist who makes beauty even when a whole world of people may miss it. He still paints anyway. Take time. To stand and be awed.
And when you slow. When you really see. Let that joy out. Turn that face of yours up and tell Him, " I see it!!" Don't be afraid to let your celebrate moment pour over onto others. Open your mouth... Say it. " I saw God today...."
So. I cried. I read her words on that God breathing blog, and I cried. Because she is right. I haven't been paying attention. Again. And I am sad to be the whining in the desert. Again. And I want to live my life simple. Mellow and full. With a heart full of Jesus and people. Time to see, to thank Him, and to give the fullness away.
Please Jesus. Do this in my life. Keep me of the seeing. And my lips always of the praising. I want to pay attention to the full of You, in all Your million little places.
Jesus in playdough with a giggling 3yr. old. Jesus in the biggest "dandelion" I have ever seen. Jesus in cotton candy clouds. Him there in the deep breaths of letting go. Letting go.
Jesus. Here. Now. Always.
So today I slowed. I want this way of life with my Jesus. I want it! So I took the slow long breaths.... I slowed my steps...and I actually looked up. I savored the joy of taking time for the strangers at Starbucks. I sat long with my babies and enjoyed the feel of sun on skin. I pulled off the freeway, parked, and I picked the wildflowers. Cause when I pay attention I can see it... Monet doesn't have a thing on God. And that. That makes me smile. A lot.
Take time to let go of time. Because how you spend it defines the shape of your soul. And if your not careful... If I am not careful.... The shape of our souls will be starvation.
The table is set. The plates laid full. Cups running over. Wildflowers in vase center stage. This.
" Taste and see that The Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!"
~Psalm 34:8
I am pulling out my chair. This is one meal I don't want to miss.
There a spot next to me. Coming?
* (You'll find her, who blessed, here: aholyexperience.com Post of encouragement I refer to, is June 23 entry).
