What if we believed Him?

What if I believed He saw me like that? Like He says. What if I lived confident I am beloved? His beloved one. The blameless beauty who lives in wide open spaces. Sounds sacrilegious doesn't it? But He took my blame. All of it. He calls me beautiful, a design made to be mirror of Himself. So why then, do I struggle to believe, and live soul laid low and grieved.... What if? What if I trusted like that?  

What if I said thank you to Him...

for making me Loved.  

for making me Redeemed.  

for making me Noticed.

Bride to a King....  

That I can live...Un-condemned.  

Receiving love takes guts. 

 It takes courage to feel dirty yet look into His eyes and see Clean. Bravery to take that hand when you feel worthless. Grit to see what He sees... What is true. Receiving love is intimate and we pull away when we feel dirty. Unworthy. Not enough. How could we know what happens when we say "yes" anyway? 

His hand holds soft. His eyes look on in such love. Like Groom over bride all aglow. We discover when we take His hand we don't feel dirty anymore... Because with hand held we see what is real. We wear white.

       

I once heard it quoted that it is good to learn about God, but equal to even more critical to discover what God thinks about us. 

I grew up Pastor's daughter. Surrounded   by truth. I could quote verses and give advice on things I had no experience in. This of course was done passionately, but unfortunately wasn't blessing to the hearer most often. See I hadn't know love yet. His. Not for myself. Not His, over me. Alone. Words like grace, transfigured, and redeemed were knowledge of brain not heart. It's no ones fault. God chooses the moment. The moment when we turn and truly face His pursuit. Look into those eyes. Hear love. Know love. To get all lost in Him so beautiful and true.  

My raw man. My beloved friend...he has pushed me all our marriage to this. Experience. He was constant in reminding me you can't spout what you don't know with your own skin. Knowledge can be passed on, but it's love's impact on you that causes real overflow.  A verse memorized won't waste, because that's God's grace. But a verse that comes alive all fire soft within... Because you feel it's pulse in your spirit....His pulse...the love you have come to recognize.... That passed on carries revival and hope. Because God's breath is in it.  A woman engaged may blush happy about all she thinks she knows. But it isn't till she has wed and known love that her glow authenticates. When wed she knows by experience she has been chosen. For this. This love that becomes her heartbeat. 

What if we knew Him like that? What if we lived like bride with blushing cheeks? 

I used to have a hard question in my soul. It hurt. Echoing hollow and cold. One day I stopped and was brave enough to ask it. " You say You came to give life. Life abundant.  But.  I.  Don't.  See it." Hard questions, when asked with upturned face, become doors. 

He wasn't mad. He didn't turn me away, or make me feel shame. He said, " Hi Baby Girl...."  Pulled me in close... And took me for a long walk.

Satan gets us all the time with the same trick. You would think we would become the wiser. But as dust, we wander. He tells us we can't say what we don't feel. We can't do what doesn't feel real. So we stay stuck in what does feel real. The dark. God asked me to do something back then. It felt awkward because I didn't understand. But I was ready to come alive. Ready to get past survive. I wanted to go past the fringes. I needed abundant.  He asked me to look. To watch. And to say "thank You".  To Him.

I laugh, because I never did blind dates. But that's what thanksgiving was to me. You feel blind at first. Silly. Awkward. Saying thank you for the water droplets you noticed after last nights rain. For the curls in baby girl hair. For the rough and worn hands of husband. For round bales scattered through open field. But I did anyway. What seemed foolish at first led me to love. Hence the blind date. Ha! It snuck up on me...this realization that He did things all around me to tell me I was loved. That He was close by. All the time. That I have never been alone. 

That He thinks...about me.

I am no expert. But I have to pass on what I am coming to know. Thankfulness has shown me love. I met Him here. I found home. Knowing God watches you and smiles soft... Knowing He laughs at you lost in joy. Pushes aside the hair off your brow when you cry full grief. 

The bible is full of it! I dare you to look. Write down the verse every time you glimpse it. Thanks. Gratitude. Thanksgiving. Give thanks. Sacrafice of thanksgiving. He wanted us to get that. To catch it. He knows when we thank, our eyes open to His face. To His Love. You won't be able to help the fall. I couldn't.

Abundant. 

What if? What if we lived believing that love? His love. What HE says about us. About life. 

What. If.