On Wing's Flight Glorious

Spring. Soft and slow, rolling into summer's carefree. I love His warmth here. In seasons I can feel His love on skin. Breezes just so, sun kisses that leave me glisten. All this new life giving my soul hope. Seasons do change. But always this life. He never leaves us without it.

Grace.

There was a fledgling today. American Robin baby...newly brave and just nest free. He was hopping about, unaware still that he has wings. Feathers young and stiff. Lacking fullness and soft color. You could see the yellow coming on chest...but only glimpses. 

It struck me just then. We have parts of our lives like that. We are birds, always birds. But sometimes when we are in a new place, a new season, a seemingly different world... We feel lost. Nest accustomed, we feel where we have fallen is definitely not our home. Food? Where is that! And warmth, coming from love nestled atop us,...all but gone. So we hop. Seeking the safe of bushes and tree rows. Wondering why we feel so alone and well, somewhat abandoned.

Birds. I have found God in them. By examples they leave me, and companionship they bring. Gods glory on wings flight.

We are like fledglings sometimes. We are. And we forget when we are feeling those things...the strangeness of an uncomfortable new, that God never leaves us alone. That we have not been abandoned. That He always intends we fly! We forget, that though undeveloped at present, we do have wings. That though our feathers are currently stiff, they will full. That our dull color will break through in vibrance one day. 

In this. This place you are. God intends you fly, on His gracious wing. 

We need to remember this. That even in the strange, we are a bird. That even in the foreign He has this plan. That stiffness doesn't mean broken wings... Sometimes the stiff wing and foreign places mean new life!! We are being made new in the daily. His life and love in and around us will come forth and do it's greatest. 

We will lift. On these wings made of His grace and kindness. 

God has intended all along, that you fly. That you discover He didn't throw you out of a safe nest to let you die by predator. No. He is near. Watching. Ready to dive bomb and defend you, His fledgling. His beautiful new one. Learning that wings will always be wings. That hard times and cold ground don't change who we are. Like little birds lost, we are found by His beautiful plan all along. 

To Rise...always to Rise!

I know the days well friend. This horrible feeling of being pushed from a safe place. This falling. This thud that leaves you begging for air. What is this?!! Why me? Where has God gone? Why does He hide His face when I need Him most?!!

I have walked this path. And I will be honest. I hated it. Being lost and feeling forsaken is a place that I won't forget. I have asked the ugly questions and shaken my fist at God. I have screamed and felt unheard. But looking back now, I see where He was. He was in the branches...so close and very attentative. He was protecting me from prey and elements that could harm. He was very aware of my frail and weak state... And He never left me alone. His eyes were always watching. He was growing me. 

Because if I didn't leave the nest, I would never know how to fly.

The hard things can be His grace. The hard things can be His yes to our prayers. Prayers begging for hope. Prayers begging for peace. Prayers asking Him to please take us from survive to thrive!  Where greater, can you feel this, than on the wings of the wind?

He has to teach us to fly.

There are places higher and more beautiful than the nest sitting on rocking branch. There is life beyond the tree of familiar. It is God's love that He pushes us there. That He forces us to reach for what we ache for, but don't yet understand. 

It's Grace.

God can handle our hard questions. I asked them. And ya know, I wasn't slapped in the face. I felt instead, Him wiping my brow, and telling more...of all this love. Of all His love. 

 

In the dark. On the cold ground. When this new place has your soul spinning. Remember who holds. Remember how He has gotten you through before. Remember that He has not left you alone. Look up at the birds today and ponder how they started. 

Leaving the nest doesn't mean death, it means the skies!

Trust this. That in the dark He will show you His love. And the greatest treasure I have come to know, is WHO it is that calls me by name. And my name, on His lips, is life to me. It is love. It is home.

" And I will give you the treasures of darkness, And the hidden wealth of secret places, In order that you may know that IT IS I, THE LORD, the God of Israel, WHO CALLS YOU BY YOUR NAME." ~ Isaiah 45:3

His sky is calling. What will you answer?

When Love Braves the Hollow Places

It's hard ya know. When people we love need this space of sorts. 

Space is where God waits. This hollow He meets, turning soul to full. It's a necessary meadow. An empty full. Because what God can do with the barren is epic.

From the hollow... joy has come. From the pitch light has shown. Life. God loving to make it from nothing. From situations of empty. Moments of too far gone. 

It can be me who feels it. Conversations had too many times, leaving me empty. Prayers prayed with only an echo in return.  Sometimes God hedges up the way so we face the quiet. So we have to walk into the silent. 

Sometimes I wish I was brave like Jesus. He knew it too. He got in the boat and pushed away from the busy shore. He knew that in taking hold of the empty, we give birth. To God's intended. This abundant life. And that to do so, sometimes it's us that have to let go. Let go of the chatter, the seemingly urgent, and even necessary. Here's the thing, Jesus loved people, with the greatest love. Yet even He stepped away at times. 

Its in the hollow, we meet God. 

Its hard though. People...they get offended. Quite easily. And sometimes when we just have to stop, to slow, to be quiet... They take it personal. 

Some kindred girlfriends and I have been learning the importance of this lately. We have gotten chances to practice...on both sides of the coin. First it was her. The joyful, laughing much friend. Her soul hit again, and so worn. She was brave enough to trust the rest of us. She asked us to love her by being quiet. To be love in a whisper that waits. So we did. We went silent but prayed loud. We waited, and we embraced the hollow with her. And in her hollow our voices hushed. We stepped aside, and she heard God. The voice that lifts and fills comes when we choose the still.

My turn. Weariness can drive you mad. And if you turn to the tree of knowledge to save, you will die. If you reach out for human voice to save, you will wither. 

I love people. My gifting is very extroverted. I love out, and I know God in it. But people in all their beautiful cannot fill my voids. When we want people to fill us we very soon realize damage follows. Relationships get heavy. Hope falters. 

People are not the source of love.

There is none...

But God. 

Who can fill...

You and me.

We can suck people dry. We can do that damage. God allows us that privelege. Free will can hurt. But know this. He loves you so much, he will give you empty in return.  And there, left to our damaged heart and lost hope, we will meet Him...in the hollow places.

Or maybe you are in the other shoe. Maybe someone you love dearly doesn't know God loves them. Them personal. Maybe you hurt because you know what must come. Their empty. Maybe you know you can't keep proving your love...because it simply will never be enough. 

Sometimes we love strongest through the letting go. 

Through the stepping back. Through the realizing... We can never fill their void. Never prove enough... Never do enough...

Ever had to love someone enough to let the empty reach them?

It's hard. We fight the urge to jump back in and save.  But we mustn't! 

Give them Jesus. 

You can never fill our Savior's shoes. Give them Jesus by letting the hollow come. By letting it accomplish His perfect grace. Empty that fills. Barren that gives birth. 

His love. Is always enough.

Our loving out does matter. But not if it's not overflowing from Christ. Our love on it's own simply isn't love. 

And an imitation will always hinder.

Isaiah 43 talks about only One God to save. Reading all of 43 would be joy... But if not, check verses 10-12. Know these things in your empty. Meet Him there. 

And if you want to fill someone? Kindly remember. There is only One who can save. One who can fill.

Jesus. Companion of the empty to full.

Know it well. His love won't end. Brave the hollow and find out for yourself. 

It will be epic.

Slowing Feet of the Righteous

So the waves keep coming. And I am afraid I am not good at handling that. My heart heavy, my body weak. I have always wished I handled stress better. But. I don't. My body crumbles. Under muscle tension and migraine. I wish my body was as brave as my soul. Maybe someday.

They are taking our house. The progress of Kansas roadways. This brick haven we planned to leave our children... Just like that. Imminent domain. And a " we're sorry." Don't get me wrong. Kansas is actually pretty helpful in compensation. Moving expenses, value put in etc. But no one can pay you for memories. For plans held dear and prayed over. They won't pay me for the wall I have been measuring my babies height on. 

They won't pay me for my husbands sweat and long days shoveling rock for my flower bed dreams. Money doesn't buy the barnwood floors he laid...his tearing down the barn to the surprising me after my trip with new floors...  The state can't pay me for my husbands countless hours of labor to make this house personal. And it is that. Personal.

It's hard to let go. Even when you know it's God approaching. Sometimes the storms that bring Him near, hurt.

I have been getting hit in the face again and again. With these waves. From this storm system. The too much at once system. Tornadic and intense. Emotion cyclone, dust in the eyes, waves of water slapping face and taking breath. Storms. 

The intense parenting challenges no one can see because they don't live here. The tears you cry, shaking, because when the rest of the house falls quiet, your alone with the fear. What if you can't be what is needed to raise her? Storms.

When relationships that matter, hurt... When it seems that nothing will heal, and overcome is so far away. When what should be natural and safe, isn't. Storms.

Health. When it's always out of reach. When you feel you can't chase it anymore. Because if being healed relies on you doing everything just so... Then it's hopeless. Because I cannot be my own salvation. But what about the havoc? The havoc nobody sees... On your bleeding heart. On your husbands soul. On your precious babies. Storm.

Finances. Health. Family relationships. Emotional exhaustion. Loneliness. Confusion. Hate. Lies. Hopelessness. Fear. Feeling abandoned. What are your storms?

It has happened a couple of times. These jolt moments. Not in a way I expected. Because I want the miracle. I want the big help, the slide in and waaa-laaa answer that catches me delightfully off guard. God loves the beauty of backwards. The jolts were this. Stopping in the mundane and everyday to look around. To see. Pull back a moment and find a miracle. 

 

First it was in a yes to my kids wanting to paint. Instinct? To say no. Because I  am tired, overwhelmed, and well...lost. But grace overtook me and I sighed out a yes. So it came. Breath of soul in children finding joy in color.  Kids remember to play with color. I wish I would.

I want my hands to always have color lingering. Because it means I have mellowed in beauty. Stopped and stayed for a few moments in what really matters. God here.

I was shocked by what my  soul did. As I listened to them giggle. As I watched my sons personality show up in paint, and my daughters passion thru color. The miracle? 

Air. 

I felt a rush of what matters flutter into my soul. This Grace. Like His hand taking hold of mine.

I smiled. This was a gift. And all from me saying yes to the messy. Yes to what I thought was "more work". Him and all this beautiful backwards.

This has happened three times in the last few days. Mundane miracles cracking away my suffocation. My daughter's joy in a bucket of water. She doesn't need a pool. Oh what thankfulness for a bucket can do! This gift of giggling. Or her thrill at the sound of her feet, moving swift, through wheat. This gift of wonder.

More adults should run through wheat fields. Truly.

Or noticing Sphinx moths and their flitting from colorful bloom to colorful bloom. Chaser of vibrant colors and nectar...one blossom at a time. One at a time. This gift of being all there. 

Or when I abandoned "the plan" and took the kids to the Nature center they love. No plan. But we wanted to rest. To let go of mommy crying and remember each other. And that we matter to God and are more important that sweating the answers. So we felt the cool water on flip flop feet, spoke personal with strangers, and sat smack dab in the middle of gift shop aisle to read that book on Mantis's together. We played with puppets we didn't need to buy to savor happiness. Because beauty can be now. And we don't need to pay to taste Him here.

I keep getting the jolt and remembering these lingering ripples...

We can LIVE even when the storms don't seem to pass. Because we can always stop the blurr in a second. The moment we choose to enter into "now" to taste God here. 

God here. 

With us. In the flitting of a moth, the exuberance of a three year old, or the colors of paint. 

I can always stop the spinning. Because God is always making Himself known all about us.

It's me that chooses blind stress. Why? Why.

We spin to find salvation. Salvation from the hopelessness of poor health. Salvation from this hurt that keeps being replayed. Salvation from confusion and shame. 

We will always serve what we are believing will save. 

Scary. But too true. So we spin. Looking for the savior pill. The savior father figure. The savior job. The savior schedule. The savior parenting plan. The savior book of help. 

We needed a Savior from hell...but news flash... We still need Him to save us. Again and again and again. And if we aren't seeking Him, we will worship what we chase. ( Isaiah 43:11)

It's in His name. Emanuel. God with us.

We can meet Him in a moment.

Any moment. Anywhere.

Romans 1:20 says His invisible attributes are made known to us in the things He has made. Saving conclusion... In any given moment, there are pieces of God. Chances to slow and have connection with Him Savior and Him love.

I know I was supposed to get this. That hope and love divine can be found in mundane moments gone miraculous! I want miracles. You do too. So?

Stop. Slow. Enter into now. Taste and see God here. 

Only One can save. 

My salvation can be now. God. With me. Here. 

Him. My song in the storms. I just might get through after all. 

Who woulda thought. Salvation comes to the slow feet. The pondering paths of the righteous. Those that find, He is walking in the backwards all along. 

So if you need courage right now, like me, join me will you? We can do this. This stopping when we feel the spinning. This slowing down to say, "I must meet my Jesus right here." 

This God who can...

Unravel my ugly

Raise my dead

Overcome my can't

Find my lost

And always save my soul.

Please slow. He is waiting.