I have a new hero. And his name is husband.
Last night he came home from first job. I could see the defeat. They'd put him on the hardest project. Thick trees swallowing power lines... He put on a brave face, I saw his determined switch at dinner table. Asking his babies how their day was. Tired eyes seeking the joy of little ones. He falls asleep while we talk on the bed, " wake me at 9:30 love, I'll leave to clean then." So I sit beside him. There. On our bed. Just holding his hand and watching his face.
Hard days hurt. These Seasons you pray thru but have to endure the wait.
After that nap... He went and cleaned. This other business he is building and God is growing. We are thankful.
When he comes home at 1:30am, he falls into bed only to be called out on a storm 2 hours later. Trees down. Power out.
You know. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell, " you can't do this to him! It's too much. His body can't handle this!" But I couldn't. He needs me brave too. He needs my believing. My praying. My hope. My quiet smile and my " I believe in you baby. I'm right here. We will get thru this."
For the wives reading this... Let me pass on my learning. What I am seeing clearly these hard days.
We are powerful. Very. We can either enable our men to face the hard...more brave, or we can pull them down with our nag. Do you drive your husband to the corner of your roof? ( proverbs 21:9 ) Or to the safe of your heart.
Do you build his courage to believe God will handle his hard?
Does he come home and fall into you safe, or does he sigh before he walks in the door...
Proverbs 14:1
We can shift the way a man processes. We can nag and be noise in his already full head, or we can be a calm that leads him home.
Create a safeplace for your husband. A place he can unload without being told he isn't enough. A place where he can say how tired or angry he is, without being coached like he is a child.
If a man feels he isn't enough for the woman he loves, it cripples him. Hear that.
We can make them trip. We can make them run. We can drive them away from intimacy with us. Hard to hear right? But it's true.
God made our place powerful because it is a gift. We can be hope to hard days. A smile to discouragement. A calm to anger. Soft emotion to bitter facts. Warm arms to hurting soul. Respect for wondering if their enough. Our position, our place matters. A lot.
We would be wise to wake up and not take this lightly anymore.
Make his favorite place be your arms. Because he leaves them feeling fueled! Empowered by Jesus grace and love thru your holding. Thru your being a safeplace for him to process... A safeplace for him to let down his tough and be raw. Be that trustworthy.
See this amazing thing has been happening. My beloved and I are so tired. This schedule God is allowing for His own purpose, is grueling. Truly. It cause stress ripples that reach places you wouldn't think. But the tougher it has gotten, the more cared for we both feel. Because we are choosing the other. He worries about my hard, and I worry about his. He tries to make my load easier and I try and shoulder his. The more we do this, the more we draw close. I feel so in love with this overworked, exhausted man. And I am zealous in letting him know about it.
The enemy wants to trick us. He makes wives in particular, think that we can't make their lives richer because they need to pursue us first. It's their job to romance us, make us feel seen, loved, wanted.... True perhaps, we women are made to respond. But don't buy into the lie that you can't obey Jesus until your husband walks the line. This will begin to cripple your home. I know. I have done it. Lots of times. " if he just did his job as a husband I could be unlocked to fully do mine..." Sound familiar? Like I'm in your head right? Lol. The enemy tells all of us the same lines. Be done with it. Stand up and say " no more. I am done with believing this."
I am learning that it doesn't matter who SHOULD stand up and do their JOB first. It doesn't matter if they are or are not. Whenever one spouse loves out as they want to be loved (2nd greatest commandment here Matt. 22: 37-40 )choosing to love their mate richly no matter the circumstance... Life comes. The backwards Kingdom of God starts showing up and unlocking doors and hearts. Untying knots and demolishing walls. It makes the other spouse more receptive to Jesus. Hear that. It makes your beloved more receptive to Jesus.
I had to choose ( on many different occasions) to let go. Of what I thought I had a right to. Of what flow marriage roles should follow in what order. Of my own selfishness.
See I was afraid if I loved my husband with reckless abandon, his life would be full and I would live hollow. That he would think all our problems were ok, because I seemed to love him anyway. That nothing would change and he would get all the benefits. Again. Lies ladies. Another hum dinger from the pit of hell. This one loves me. It comes knockin often. Thankful I have been recording it's features and can recognize it a bit sooner... Ha! Because I have found the exact opposite to be true.
When I love my man with abandon, it intrigues him. Why does she love me like crazy when I haven't.... Why does she adore me when I still.... Love that's real humbles us. It chips away facades and leads us home. Always. It inevitabley leads my Mr. to pursue me more! Yup. You heard it hear. Whenever one person chooses to selflessly love, it bears fruit of Jesus in the other person. Sure. It may take time. But it does. I have seen it work in my marriage lots of times. And that includes my man loving me first, when I am ugly.
I guess I just wanted to give props to God's crazy Kingdom. To His incredible ways of opening locked doors. Chiseling down walls. And overcoming hearts. And the gift is?
We can choose to be apart of it.
Love.
Recklessly in Jesus.
Watch Him move mountains and restore the broken.
I am witness. ( John 3:33 )
Husbands reading... All this applies to you too... Gods love is for all of us to live. But I am talking to wives today, because I am one... Because I am here. In this place.
Don't let more days go by. Love the heck out of that man. Make him shocked at your adoration. At your respect. At your delight in him. Despite all your marital challenges. Love anyway. Stop waiting.
Jesus didn't wait for us to apologize before He said yes to all our ugly on that cross. We spit and He laid down. We cast insults and vile and He opened his hands to nail. He hung before you were done. With your lies. With your manipulations. With your anger. Your pornography. Your hatred. Your coping mechanisms. With your affairs. Whatever your idols, whatever your ugly, the point is He didn't wait. Jesus. Loved. When you were still defiant. Could he have waited for you to choose Him... To show him you are faithful.... That you really love Him? Yes. He could have. But He didn't.
I am not dumb. It's hard to love when we have been deeply hurt. A bleeding heart is hard to compose. But you can love Jesus when your spouse seems hard to look at. Love them by remembering, what you do unto your husband ( or wife ), you do unto Jesus. It's true. He says it right here, Matthew 25:40. Respect your husband, respect Jesus. Hold him in grace, and hold Jesus near. Forgive and taste God full. Because when we obey and let go of self love, Jesus comes. And whenever Jesus comes, things change. It His way. It's grace and beauty and hope!
So anyway. Here is this wife. Learning. And all I know is, my husband and I are exhausted...worn... But we are deeply in love. We are not, and haven't been strangers to pain and counseling sessions... But this is truly the most powerful thing I have witnessed in marriage. 1 Corinthians 13.
The greatest of these... Is love.
So go. It's time.
For hope. Start with a promise. Matthew 11:28-30
