For the Mamas

Nobody really knows how much you've been up in the night. The courage it takes to walk down that hall countless times. Just to love. Love. It always makes us Mamas do crazy feats.

But that doesn't mean it's easy. Some days we wonder how we got thru at all. And why are we so tired when the home is still so messy at the end of the day. The laundry is Everest with a snarl. Your quiet place, the toilet, is alive with muck. So. You go cook supper. He will be home soon. It feels like no one sees doesn't it? No one can feel this tired linger that endlessly latches to your soul. It's hard to do what seems invisible. It takes courage to nurture the unseen. Courage. Yes. You have it. It's ok if you don't know it. He sees it. He sees your brave face when your kids ask the hard questions. He sees your brave smile as you look down into that child's face waiting in the ER... A smile giving bravery to the little ones. The fights. Between the siblings. He sees your courage here too. It's hard to teach children to get out of their own and love, cause in that moment you are struggling, tired, to do the same. When you worry that character flaw in your son will turn into a monster, God's eyes are there. When you cry because you don't know how to love the one so very different from you... He is close. When you ache hard, because you haven't had any time to be with that man...real time... Yes. He sees that too. Oh tired friend.  He sees you.  

     It's hard to silence the hard questions. You know the ones. The ones your ashamed of. The sigh when your feet hit the floor each morning. Is it possible to wake up and face the day with joy in those feet?

Is it possible to have joy, real joy, with dirt between toes and grit endlessly on counters? With children screaming selfish and a heart in you growing faint? Can I be a good mother? Am I enough for these babies? How will they see Jesus when I struggle to grapple Him reality into these moments? Questions can haunt.

     I remember the moment I realized He has never left me alone. You see I started thanking Him throughout my days. Even the hard ones. I began fighting to praise. My heart seemed happier. Genuinely. Joy...it began catching me by surprise. He began catching me. Thankfulness awakens our awareness to Him. To all the countless ways He works time, nature, and dirty house to love on me. That's when it hits. This realization. If He blesses me with provision in piles of clothes, well lived in and dirty....

If He blesses me with milk that was there for her to spill.... With shoes just their size for winter, handed down, $8.50.... With eyes to see all these wildflowers, birds so colorful, and that butterfly flitting past so grace....

Then He has to be paying attention. And if He is, He is near. So detailed means so near. I crumpled. Literally collapsing to floor. "You my God, have never left me alone!" I couldn't stop the tears. Lonely mama moments, He was there. Hard marriage seasons, He was there. Sleepless nights, He was near. I was humbled by His constancy. Then I realized it. It was me who was not there. I closed eyes to witness these graces. I chose to grumble and blow past all the love notes. All the ways He orchestrated, in detail, to tell me, " You. Are. Not. Alone."  

     Friend. Mama. It's ok. He knows you are scared sometimes. Tired most times. He just wants to tell you today,

You are precious in My sight. You are honored. Sweet daughter, I love you. (Isaiah 43:4) 

Take heart. And friend, take up thanks! It's the lense to His grace. And when you begin to see that love, endless and all about you, you will never be the same. And those feet? Yes. They can hit the floor in the morning with joy. Because its another day. Another day to know Him near.

You are loved.