Coming home to the Mom I am.

Maybe I am. A black sheep. This woman who dares believe my Maker didn't make a mistake in my design. Let's face it. Christians can be stuck in this habit of believing we all have to look, indeed be the same. It's sad really. We miss a lot of God when we think this way. Yes. His commands and instructions are solid and apply to us one and the same all across the board... But this part of life that shows up in the living. The different bends people have. The things we say "are so them".... That part. The art of them. This glorious beauty of them. 

So why do we try to mold each other into the art we wanna see?

We think someone's colors need to be near our shades. That their clay needs to bend and mold like ours. But what we don't realize is that we only smear God's art when we live that way. Whether we give in to the pressures of others to be something not His intent, or we put those standards on ourselves. It's weight. And when we try "be it", we bend and contort all confusion and loss.

 

I have this slow coming smile...  See this week I realized I am not like other moms. No, that's not the great part. Most people could walk into my life and see that in a mere second. But it's because I had this thought while taking out our overflowing trash... " who says kids have to be in bed by 8?"  And just like that, God began revealing. Who is the "who" that decides what works for all families? What bed times work for all kids? What way to teach kids certain skills, principles even? Again. I am not talking about having a choice in passing on and enforcing God's mandates in the home. Hear me here. I am talking about the workings out in the daily living. This smile keeps coming to my face, as I am walking down the hall on a dirty floor. As I am folding my way down Mount Everest Laundry Range in my living room. A mountain, I assure you, has been there for over eight days. This smile. Because God says I am not a mistake. Because HE has a stride for me as a mama. And it probably will not match anyone else. 

I don't know about you. But I exhaust under pressure. From others or myself. I can't be a Monet. That's not my art. And if am meant to be an Ansel Adams...all this fighting to mold myself Monet will only cause tears...Those late nights, in bed, when I am wondering why I feel like I am failing. When I ache with this fear... That feeling of "not enough"  creeping in too close. Why do we want to be the painter if God says we are to take photographs? Why do we want to be a sculpter when God puts paint brush in hand. We are His masterpieces. We are Art.  We would do well to start respecting His design. In others. And in ourselves.

I have a dusty, dirty floor. Often. But I am not lazy. My laundry rarely gets done within a 48 hour time period. But my babies are always clothed clean. They don't go to bed at 7:30 or 8:00, but they know Jesus as lullaby. I shift chores and life around, my schedule is rubber... But it's my way to let people know they matter. That I have time for them. That God has time for them. My house may be a mess, but I will ask you in, and have a pot of coffee on in 2 minutes. My car. Blaaa. Always a muddle inside and out. But I tote my babies, and all the dirt they have fun in, around safely. Sometimes we have a way of doing things, and it may NOT be wrong. Maybe it's just God's way with US.   

He is personal.

 I pose this to you. Why wouldn't that be true in how our lives show up? Live out? Be witnessed? 

That maybe what we see as laziness in another's life, is God having a different rhythm in their living out.  Maybe her messy house is her being able to homeschool and make boxes for cancer patients in the children's ward. Maybe their unfinished kitchen and dining room is because they are wise with money... And will wait. But in the mean time have this incredible testimony as they continually ask people to come fellowship in all their imperfect. 

There is this. Sometimes God is working out different things in others lives. In our lives. So things may appear way off. When in fact, she is doing exactly what God wants her to do FIRST.  There is this. Maybe, just maybe the way she is, is gift to the "type" God calls her to minister too. Her house may be too clean for you, but organization is probably apart of her artistry. Messy cabinets may drive you insane, but maybe it leaves her time to align her heart toward what God is calling her too. To WHOM God is calling her too.  

If we would stop judging, we might see strokes. This brushing forth of grace...

If we would stop trying to conform others to our style, maybe we would see the sculpting of something truly incredible. Truly Him.

Because life matters. And Love is too precious to be colorless.

I have spent years trying to be this good mom. The in shape, organized, mother of respectful and put together children... And guess what? Yeah. I am pooped. Because it's not reality. And it's not me. God has a way of beauty...for ME...as a mama. I am daring to believe that if He is personal in His love to me, that THAT "personal" can show up in my very own mothering style, because of Him. What a gift that would be! To my babies. And to Him...for whatever testimony He desires.  I am canvas. Mother with children scattered messy grace about me. We are His artistry. 

I am the black sheep believing.

I am done being ashamed of my make. I am done feeling less because I am not the same. I am done striving to be what I have not been called. Join me? Stop trying to  be so clean if you are His messy grace. Stop trying to force a wild side if his artistry in you is clean lines.  He is breathtakingly creative! His art knows no bounds! Sculpting, painting, photography, mosaics, messy strokes, crisp lines... He is beauty. 

Let Him beauty in you.

I am not ranting liberal. I am not saying go bra-less and be brazen and call it godly. I am being true. I am talking about no longer trying to be someone you were NOT created to be. 

Live in a way that says, " I know I am not a mistake."

How often do we wish we were like "them", thinking we would feel better... Be more loved... Be a better wife... Mom...  

We will never walk straight in shoes not meant for us. 

Our toes will always curl. We will trip. We will hurt till we callous.  And coullouses always hide who we are.

He says I am fearfully and wonderfully made! Me. This spontaneous, loud, vivacious, people person with a tendency to be messy and forgetful. But there is beauty in all my baffle. Grace in the goo. (Even if it is in my microwave.). 

I just want to let go, and let Him glory in me. Cause that's what He has wanted from the beginning. Maybe people will see more Jesus and less me. 

And that would be grace indeed!

Psalm 139: 14 ~ " I will give thanks to thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Thy works, And my soul knows it very well."

Make it your prayer. It's mine. May my soul settle and know it well.

Be blessed. You are loved. Just as you were made.