He calls us out. He sings us out into all this becoming. Becoming what He has named us. Becoming the art He stamped upon our souls. Becoming into Him.
Becoming simply because I am near Him.
Have you ever tried to force what you wanna be? I spent 28 years doing that. We wear the clothes of the image we want to project. We adapt verbiage into our vocabulary that fits what we aim for. Hide within ourselves what doesn't fit. What doesn't fit what WE have set up to be "us". So we tire. Endlessly trying to be what we are not supposed to. Or at least not in our own making.
I remember the day I was at that rodeo. I had on the boots. The hat. And that shirt that stated it. "Cowgirl". I hooted and cheered for barrel racers and bull riders. Quietly hoping I looked as at home here as I wanted to be. The rodeo was fun, but it ended. This man came up to me and said, " so do you rodeo? Your a true cowgirl huh?" Heart sinks into this pit. It always does when we are found out. Found out in all this posing.
"No. But it's the dream," I reply.
What's true cannot stay buried. By His own nature, all truth, like Him, must rise. Truth testifies. Posing cannot. I went home that night heavy hearted. I was not a cowgirl. Did God give me a deep love for His outdoors. Yes. He has done that. Did He give me this unexplainable feeling of being home when I am near horses? Yes. He has. Did He give me soul smiles from the moment I witnessed my first rodeo? Yes. That was Him too. But He had not made me a cowgirl. Not yet anyway. I had to realize I cannot make myself "become" into a dream. Only God does that. I can only stay close to Him, enjoy Him, and all these loves and "bents" He has given me. Letting Him work out the why and the when. Letting Him ordain the becoming. Sometimes it will be in a way I hadn't thought of, for reasons I can't fathom. The loves He puts in us are not pointless like we fear. We are afraid, so we force. Instead we should just seek Him thru the bent of soul. Enjoy Him in all this horseflesh and leather. I know that now.
That night. Those years back. I took all those cowgirl shirts out of my closet... Because for now, I knew, they didn't become me. It's hard to let go but still savor a tendency He has indeed placed in our souls. I love the sound of the earth under my cowboy boots. I love the smell of horses. I walk up to one and something in me comes alive and feels at home. But for now, I live on a farm that has no animals accept my two sweet dogs. Do i like having an empty barn? Do I like feeling these loves without seeming purpose? No. Not always. Sometimes the love feels like hollow hunger. But I have learned to trust God with them. Because I believe He has His reasons. I can enjoy in my own skin. Without posing statements written across my chest. You know what's beautiful? Feeling with your own skin who He is. In all these things. Without a $10 false t-shirt to stand in between.
God wants the testimony. Our story is His to write. When we force, even the design that's in us, our story skews. People around us sense this unnatural. They can't quite figure out why they aren't fully comfortable around us. I have had that said to me. Back when I forced images. The cowgirl. The virgin. The pastor's daughter. The "So wise for being so young". The photographer. It was endless really. What saddens me most is when I realized how posing hurts others. A lot. Living out a lie does that. Especially when the poser bears the name of God. We attach what people think about us to how they see the God we claim. This realization broke me.
God doesn't pose what He wants us to think and be something else in the end.
He doesn't live with a loophole in His back pocket. So when I do, and I make it known I am His...my story, His story skews. Posing simply cannot testify truth. Raw beauty comes only thru the becoming. The ones lost in the rhythm of what He intends them to be. Raw beauty always flourishes.
The last few years it has happened slow, but sure. Sure because He wanted me to be His art, not my own. The God of glorious sunsets and towering mountains wants to show me how beautiful I am. In His design. A reflection of His image. He wants to help you become masterpiece.
You. Can. Become.
You are bearing the strokes of His brush. The shape of His guiding hands on potter's wheel. And if you fight His rhythm, you will bend and shape unnatural. You will tire. You will miss out on being apart of His grandeur full! You have these loves, these curiosities, these gifts, these abilities for a reason. Ask Him about them. Be near Him in them. Be thankful even when you don't know why. He has a plan.
Let go. Of posing.
Let Him, "become" you. Making you into art with story.
The authentic people don't need a tshirt. You know the ones. You are just around them and you can quite literally experience who they are. Sense this beauty unexplainable. It's God friends. God moving and enlivening a soul HE designed. Thank Him for what you see in others, and trust Him with what you don't yet understand in yourself.
It's ok. You are beautiful. With your silly loves of things you don't quite understand yet. He never creates without purpose.
So here is to the brave. The white tshirt wearers. Raw and ready for their story to unfold.
The soul. Beauty clay in the Potter's hands.
When we are real, we know Him raw. We find joy in being His. Start there. Pull in to all His love. Let Him unfold your soul.
" love...does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own." ~ I Cor. 13:5a
" And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created Him; male and female He created them." ~ Genesis 1:27
" For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." ~ Ephesians 2:10
Awwww soo very true!!! We are Christian's and each and every moment of our lives we slowly BECOME what CHRIST is!!! Thank you for sharing this lovely reality we all find out is true about something in our lives!! You are sooo loved my friend!!! THANKS!!!
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