Odds Aren't Good

Maybe today you are weary. Maybe today you wonder if the condition of your blind and tired soul is permanent. Like the whole of people around you have found grip and smile, but you... You can't seem to find peace. For you today... For you... Just you. Listen slow to this true.

The odds aren't good, But God is.

God is.

So what if that thing on your mind is too much. Let it be that. Let it be way too much to take on. Way to much to achieve. Way beyond your ability to overcome. Being alone, lost, and weak is this holy place where beauty begins.

The times when everywhere you turn and more hard falls... The days where you feel thankful you get a break and can crawl into bed and let go...  You are not alone. 

These seasons of pain. Of difficult circumstances. Of indescribable grief. They matter. They matter to our very personal, and very watchful Jesus. I know it feels like you have no one to turn too. Like all your avenues have been shut. That there is this ache to just be held by someone who can whisper caring into your forgotten heart. It hurts to clamour for help and find downcast eyes and busy schedules. It increases your inner scream to be remembered, heard, and seen. Truly seen. Even here, Jesus stays. Even here He doesn't anger that we ache for human hold. Because He lived it. He lived loneliness and betrayal. He lived the hard things, the rejection things, the depressing push through it things. And the beauty and comfort here? He knows we are...but dust...  He knows we are weak. That dust can't muster muscle. 

So He has become our voice.

So let the inner scream fall. Let the eyes endless looking for kindness...for the noticing.... Let them close. Maybe it seems impossible. But just stop spinning and talk to Him. He knows how hard feels. He knows how deep hurt feels. He knows how betrayal feels. He knows how crushing realities feel. He is not a stranger to torture. And He isn't a stranger to you. To your bleeding soul.

So talk to Him. He can unwind your confused, and calm your angry storm. In ways you and I cannot fathom... He can. He just can. 

And You... If you feel your greatest fear rising up... This fear that you won't feel His company. That you won't be able to touch real His friendship, His nearness... It's ok. You can tell Him that too. 

Agony is always a place to start.

See this horrid raw. This presenting to Him the great depths of our ugly... It's an inner door. It's easy to talk to Jesus about the weather you are thankful for. About the money you need provided by Tuesday. But this? This deep, ugly, bleeding raw? This is the inner door to the real of you. The very heartbeat of your persona. The rhthym of your soul... And when we meet Jesus in agony's threshold, we heal deep. Because what's the point of surface cleaning when the mud underneath keeps bubbling up. Why seal a cut with saav when the infection still festers. Agony is always a place to start...healing.

I know you want to run. 

This " let's run away and not come back for awhile"...  And sometimes a retreat is the right thing. But You... Just make sure it's a retreat that happens with Him first. That your soul has stilled at the feet of Jesus before it runs to the mountains. Because even the most beautiful of places can't cleanse a soul. 

"You who seek God, let your heart revive. For the Lord hears the needy, And does not despise His who are prisoners." ~ Psalm 69:32b-33

Take joy in knowing He doesn't scoff at your messiness. He doesn't look down on you for not knowing how. Instead He hears you. He does not despise you, even when you are in prisons made of bad decisions or unjust affliction. Prisons of pride, a crushed spirit, or just too much trial at once. So it's ok to cry out raw. No need to compose what you have been at a loss to control.

" O God, do not be far from me; O my God, hasten to my help!" ~ Psalm 71:12

Mostly. I just wanted to come tell you. That today, it's gonna be ok. That even when no one else gets it, God does. That its ok to hurt and have to sit for awhile. To let your hands hang limp, and your soul cry. I wanted you to know...Jesus genuinely, deeply, and endlessly loves you.

That room your in right now... It's not empty. He is waiting. Kneel and say it. All of it. Let go of what burdens you thick. He will give you rest.  Let your longing be quenched with what it really yearns for... Jesus.

You. Are. Loved. Much.