Idiosyncrasy Love

So I've been thinking. About marriage. And anyone who knows me, even a little, knows that this pulses my heart. Dearly. I love being married. And even more, this incredibly kind man, I am humbled to call my own. And some may even say my often mention of love, and this most significant friendship, is beating a dead horse... But it matters. Especially today. When marriage bears the bad rap. The passionless, bored rap. 

And. Well. That's a lie.

Marriage is this secret joy behind the most beautiful veil. 

What has me pondering the last few days is the habits. The things, after years of together, that we slide over to the annoying list. The idiosyncrasies of the ordinary. After several years together we go from gracious to scoffing. And a scoff is a wedge.

And it only takes a thin wedge to make a crack.

I was with this couple once. She. This vibrant woman who would burst into joy over small pleasures. No matter how silly they struck her. It was endearing. But I noticed one day, that her husband almost mocked her happy moment with a scoff attempting to tone her down. Almost as if this part of her...her silly happy, embarrassed  him.  It made my heart hurt. He was missing this beautiful stroke of her. Put there by Sovereign Himself. This gift of her noticing life's texture. 

But we all do this. Us married years. We scoff that they enjoy reading the news when we clearly want to cuddle. We annoy that they find a weird joy in 80's music. And why do they not like to play cards?  And that road they always take home...it's obviously longer! 

These seemingly stupid little things that turned scoff, can mangle.

I LOVE coffee. Like a lot. I hang notes, that have been written me, IN the coffee cup cupboard. Because after all, it's a happy place. I have to stare at my coffee cups each morning to decide what cup FEELS right that particular day. Yeah. So not joking. My man, doesn't get this blip of me.

 

I clap at sunsets, with a "way to go Jesus! Good one!"

I change clothes five times before I truly "start to get ready".

I can't eat leftovers after 24 hours. And I won't use a condiment or juice bottle if I can't find who broke the seal since I bought it.  Again. So not joking. 

I am the harshest belittler of my own soul. Much to my hubby's dismay.

I gag at earwax.

And I have been known to stop when late for church, to pet the softest white Moth I have ever seen.

My point? Idiosyncrasies. Random parts of us that don't make sense to most other people, but often not even to the best friend in bed beside us.

I watch other couples roll their eyes at the one they love. And I am reminded of my own annoyances. 

My beloved hero is a wiz with finances. The protocol and designed planning in this mans head is epic. Truly. He has a gift. But the liability of it, can be over-thinking, over-crunching, and fear of the unplanned. He has made financial chicken scratching on envelopes, notebooks, receipts, napkins, and even the bottom of love notes. Lol. Now. As a new bride, 12 years back, I quickly became annoyed. It took me years to realize I was witnessing something art. One God had given him. And also something huge. 

Love. For me. 

All those chicken scratched papers scattered, were his passion to care for me. 

So now? You can find a paper, scribbled with numbers and figures, saved safe in my bible. 

Why? Because it's an idiosyncrasy that reflects pieces of my husbands heart. Where there is a pulse, there is blood flow. Pieces of life that tell a story about the very one we are tempted to mock. Because we have gone blind and named them ordinary.

It makes my heart hurt. In awareness of my own sin, and also when I see it in marriages around me.

What would happen if we threw our love blanket over the whole of them. Even the parts we grit are teeth at? What if that man who got uncomfortable at his wife's absolute happy, got a soft smile on his face...thinking in his heart, " that's my crazy beautiful bride. Man I love her." 

Redemption would happen! This amazing taking back of moments. Not allowing the enemy to use annoyance wedges to cause cracks that will widen over time. That woman seeing her hubby smile soft at her crazy? She would feel endeared to him. Drawn to him. She would feel full potential and free. Because this man who smiles at her spastic random, loved even this. Because He loves all of her. All these veins are glimpses of God design. 

Indiosyncrasies matter. They are tiny windows. Glances that show where we have been scarred and hurt, or hints of what makes us happy. Joy full and alive. 

They are threads that can be traced back to God art, sneaking out and up into the ordinary.

What if what annoys you most in your spouse is a piece of map?

 

Some things we do are random and quite possibly not deeply significant. But even stupid silly things can be a chance to love. And when we feel loved despite our "selves", we change. We start to flourish.  

When my man comes up and holds me from behind, and whispers in my ear, " you are so beautiful no matter what you wear."... it ties me to his heart in a way a " hurry up!", annoyed comment never would.

When he flips through my bible and comes across a "crunching numbers" scratch paper, we get to share a soft smile instead of an argument.

And when I gag as he cleans his ears, we giggle. Because even the smallest, odd things can become a memory.

I guess I just want to air a challenge. For the brave of heart. Those willing to challenge annoyance hooks, made by scoff habits...  Find your spouse despite the thing. Whatever it is. Does your love cover all? 

Would they say they feel the "all" of them is safe, with you?

I dare you. To find the beauty of who you married in the silly things. The annoying things. Even the hard things. Make it a hook to say you love them. With a wink, a giggle, a flirting comment. Watch what will happen.... Redemption. A taking back from the destroyer of souls.

Marriage is this beautiful, decadent secret. And we tell the world a story. With each response, tone of voice, look of face, and attitude of heart. Do you tell a story of drudgery and loss? Or of love, deep joy, and this incredible secret holy...

Our story is supposed to be Him. Jesus. To the soul of our lover, but also to the world.

I am a wife. And I want others to smile at the way I love my man. I want them to see Jesus somehow... See hope... And the beauty of marriage. May God help me.

Join me? 

Find the annoyance and challenge it. I dare you!

   

" Love bears all things, believes all things, and hopes all things...Love NEVER fails." 1 Corinthians 13