Idiosyncrasy Love

So I've been thinking. About marriage. And anyone who knows me, even a little, knows that this pulses my heart. Dearly. I love being married. And even more, this incredibly kind man, I am humbled to call my own. And some may even say my often mention of love, and this most significant friendship, is beating a dead horse... But it matters. Especially today. When marriage bears the bad rap. The passionless, bored rap. 

And. Well. That's a lie.

Marriage is this secret joy behind the most beautiful veil. 

What has me pondering the last few days is the habits. The things, after years of together, that we slide over to the annoying list. The idiosyncrasies of the ordinary. After several years together we go from gracious to scoffing. And a scoff is a wedge.

And it only takes a thin wedge to make a crack.

I was with this couple once. She. This vibrant woman who would burst into joy over small pleasures. No matter how silly they struck her. It was endearing. But I noticed one day, that her husband almost mocked her happy moment with a scoff attempting to tone her down. Almost as if this part of her...her silly happy, embarrassed  him.  It made my heart hurt. He was missing this beautiful stroke of her. Put there by Sovereign Himself. This gift of her noticing life's texture. 

But we all do this. Us married years. We scoff that they enjoy reading the news when we clearly want to cuddle. We annoy that they find a weird joy in 80's music. And why do they not like to play cards?  And that road they always take home...it's obviously longer! 

These seemingly stupid little things that turned scoff, can mangle.

I LOVE coffee. Like a lot. I hang notes, that have been written me, IN the coffee cup cupboard. Because after all, it's a happy place. I have to stare at my coffee cups each morning to decide what cup FEELS right that particular day. Yeah. So not joking. My man, doesn't get this blip of me.

 

I clap at sunsets, with a "way to go Jesus! Good one!"

I change clothes five times before I truly "start to get ready".

I can't eat leftovers after 24 hours. And I won't use a condiment or juice bottle if I can't find who broke the seal since I bought it.  Again. So not joking. 

I am the harshest belittler of my own soul. Much to my hubby's dismay.

I gag at earwax.

And I have been known to stop when late for church, to pet the softest white Moth I have ever seen.

My point? Idiosyncrasies. Random parts of us that don't make sense to most other people, but often not even to the best friend in bed beside us.

I watch other couples roll their eyes at the one they love. And I am reminded of my own annoyances. 

My beloved hero is a wiz with finances. The protocol and designed planning in this mans head is epic. Truly. He has a gift. But the liability of it, can be over-thinking, over-crunching, and fear of the unplanned. He has made financial chicken scratching on envelopes, notebooks, receipts, napkins, and even the bottom of love notes. Lol. Now. As a new bride, 12 years back, I quickly became annoyed. It took me years to realize I was witnessing something art. One God had given him. And also something huge. 

Love. For me. 

All those chicken scratched papers scattered, were his passion to care for me. 

So now? You can find a paper, scribbled with numbers and figures, saved safe in my bible. 

Why? Because it's an idiosyncrasy that reflects pieces of my husbands heart. Where there is a pulse, there is blood flow. Pieces of life that tell a story about the very one we are tempted to mock. Because we have gone blind and named them ordinary.

It makes my heart hurt. In awareness of my own sin, and also when I see it in marriages around me.

What would happen if we threw our love blanket over the whole of them. Even the parts we grit are teeth at? What if that man who got uncomfortable at his wife's absolute happy, got a soft smile on his face...thinking in his heart, " that's my crazy beautiful bride. Man I love her." 

Redemption would happen! This amazing taking back of moments. Not allowing the enemy to use annoyance wedges to cause cracks that will widen over time. That woman seeing her hubby smile soft at her crazy? She would feel endeared to him. Drawn to him. She would feel full potential and free. Because this man who smiles at her spastic random, loved even this. Because He loves all of her. All these veins are glimpses of God design. 

Indiosyncrasies matter. They are tiny windows. Glances that show where we have been scarred and hurt, or hints of what makes us happy. Joy full and alive. 

They are threads that can be traced back to God art, sneaking out and up into the ordinary.

What if what annoys you most in your spouse is a piece of map?

 

Some things we do are random and quite possibly not deeply significant. But even stupid silly things can be a chance to love. And when we feel loved despite our "selves", we change. We start to flourish.  

When my man comes up and holds me from behind, and whispers in my ear, " you are so beautiful no matter what you wear."... it ties me to his heart in a way a " hurry up!", annoyed comment never would.

When he flips through my bible and comes across a "crunching numbers" scratch paper, we get to share a soft smile instead of an argument.

And when I gag as he cleans his ears, we giggle. Because even the smallest, odd things can become a memory.

I guess I just want to air a challenge. For the brave of heart. Those willing to challenge annoyance hooks, made by scoff habits...  Find your spouse despite the thing. Whatever it is. Does your love cover all? 

Would they say they feel the "all" of them is safe, with you?

I dare you. To find the beauty of who you married in the silly things. The annoying things. Even the hard things. Make it a hook to say you love them. With a wink, a giggle, a flirting comment. Watch what will happen.... Redemption. A taking back from the destroyer of souls.

Marriage is this beautiful, decadent secret. And we tell the world a story. With each response, tone of voice, look of face, and attitude of heart. Do you tell a story of drudgery and loss? Or of love, deep joy, and this incredible secret holy...

Our story is supposed to be Him. Jesus. To the soul of our lover, but also to the world.

I am a wife. And I want others to smile at the way I love my man. I want them to see Jesus somehow... See hope... And the beauty of marriage. May God help me.

Join me? 

Find the annoyance and challenge it. I dare you!

   

" Love bears all things, believes all things, and hopes all things...Love NEVER fails." 1 Corinthians 13

Impossible Hope

So I am knocking on your door this morning. It's chilly out and I only have a light coat on. Shivering, I knock again. You must answer! Because I have a plate of warm muffins. Freshly baked. And a Karaf of hot coffee.... 

Because we all need someone to wake us from our sleep... To wake us up with warm hope.

I have come because I have to tell you! I shiver outside your door, with the sun barely glimmering, because your soul needs this. 

It's about Him. The news I have is about Him!

He wants me to tell you this. It's time. It's time to know and believe! To rise up out of the bed of hiding and look Him in the face. To tell Him you need help with your unbelief. Say it. Because He watches over your whole heart, and He already sees the bleed.

He wants me to tell you. The impossible? It isn't.  The impossible before you now...Is. Not. Impossible. 

Wake up! The sun is rising..... Don't miss light breaking up the darkness....

He wants me to tell you.... He splits rock open for you. He squeezes water out of stone for your hope. 

" He opened the rock, and water flowed out. It ran in the dry places like a river." ~ psalm 105:41

Your dry places are cracking right? Your soul is parched so deeply it's splitting straight through. Blood just below thin surface. I just had to knock. I just had to wake you early... This. Will save. Your life.

Your hungry. But you can't find the courage to believe. That this can end. All this doubt and mocking questions. This hollow aloneness that is eating away at the core of you. The whole of you. It's the rock you face. This cold, hard, piece of mountain that has you dumbfounded. 

But He is hitting it. And before you know it...Water is going to run out of it as if it's hard surface were sponge. Friend! I had to wake you. Believe! You just have to believe!

I know you are starving for something to fill the hollow...The exhaustion from all these years. Hopelessness has found you and it's grip feels like darkness. And if people closest to you could know how you hurt, they might just take it all more seriously. They might actually hear your cry for help. But years of them missing it has you skeptic. But you have to call out. You have to.....

So call out to Him. Ask Him that question that haunts you. Ask Him the hard things. Because Your hunger may kill you if you don't feed it something epic.

" They ASKED, and He brought Quail, and satisfied them with the bread of heaven."~ psalm 105:40

See?! This is why.... I couldn't wait till later. I had to come. Muffins and coffee in hand, I had to knock urgent. Because there is this Someone who wants to save your life.

Someone who will rain bread down, from the sky, for your desperation. Manna for your ache. Your need. He will go all lengths to feed you. 

Natural laws don't stop God.

Final diagnosis's don't stop God. 

Too many years of " all this" don't stop God. 

What they said, doesn't stop your God. 

Your Jesus will never stop fighting for you. He will split rocks for your thirst, and rain down bread for your hunger. Oh friend. I just had to tell you!

Deserts happen. They are real. They are hot and they burn. But God has led His kids through the deserts for generations. And He goes all lengths to see they have light, protection, food, water, AND HOPE.

So you see. I just had to come and knock. I wanted to tell you that you have a place to go. That you can ask and it shall be given. That you can seek and you will find. Knock and it will be opened... Manna falls. Rocks pour out water. Jesus saves.

So trade in your companions of worry and endless ache. Lift that up. Open your hands, and ask Jesus to take it.  He can handle your real. Your ugly. Your secrets.

Friend? May I come in.... I have warm muffins and fresh coffee.  I just had to tell you....

Cold Love

The sunsets are coming sooner... Leaving farmers to scurry hard pressed...and the summer souls to fret. We are the warm people. We want dancing daisies and fireflies. Carefree campfires and dusty walks at dusk. 

Jesus. He knew. 

We. These souls who can so easily worship the warm. We want the happy. Laughter and watermelon. Apple pie and bare feet. And while these are gift, we can't  live for 84 with a chance of soft rain. 

Jesus is a God of seasons. He is The Lord  of journeys. These Growth roads leading us home. To the heart of His Father.

Lately my life has been spastic. Challenges and to-do's, worries and "trying so hard's".  I told some friends just this morning that I am tired. I have this odd craving for winter. Normally I love it thru January, and then I whine my way to May. I want my colorful birds. My flowers dancing roadside, carefree and hopeful. Billows of Kansas storms...building His majestic right over my farm. Warmth feels like hope doesn't it?

Cold boxes me in. Walks are shortened if not possible. Birds migrate. Flowers fade. Green goes brown to grey. Nature quiets to this holy hush. My children get restless indoors, and my motherhood patience is challenged. Trips to town are planned around coming snows or icey asphalt. Boxed in. This hedging up of my ways. 

Winter stops my running. Stone cold in its tracks. 

It's exactly what I need. 

Seeds fall from full flowers and must go into the pitch to find life. Birds have to migrate over hundreds of miles of cold, seemingly lifeless, ocean. Trees shed and pull into God rhythm. 

God knows we have to feel the cold, see the black to remember. 

He. Alone. Is Life.

I can chase lemonade. Trips to the park. Picnics in cozy, hidden nature places. Jaunts to friends or beaches. Sprinklers and hummingbirds...Zoo's and patio seating. I can chase these temporary soul warmers for awhile.... Then reality. God still sends the cold. The pitch. 

I have felt like this screaming child. Lost and so tired. Like life's hard has turned me survivor. And in the midst of all of it, I am fighting to make sure everyone else is ok. That they have hope and feel cared for. But inside I have exhausted. And I secretly want someone to run up to me, capture my weak, and hold me into ok. But I have to keep being mommy. Supportive, brave wife. And kind friend. And while I love all of these positions of grace and gift... We wonder sometimes don't we? Who will hold me?

So what does that heavy have to do with winter? This....

A sweater.

I want Him to warm me. I know I can't stop the cold from coming, the petals from falling, the birds from leaving. But the emptiness I feel when all color fades makes me turn toward home. Toward the only fullfiller. 

Jesus. 

Sun in my heart sky, warmth of heaven and my earth skin.  See...I want Him to come grab this tired and screaming child in me. To swoop in and hold. To whisper to me that it's gonna be ok. That He is here now. That I can rest from bravery and let Him stand on lookout post. I want to fall asleep with Him humming me calm. With Him singing me safe.

And I won't be at this place,  until my running is hedged up. Till my summer is taken. 

Maybe I am stubborn. Maybe I am stupid sheep. But when it's warm I can chase and almost catch my happy. These gorgeous distractions of color and hope. And though I do find Jesus in His amazing warm season... I am referring to me amongst the summer souls. Winter fleeing, love chasers. Me. Lost in distractions to survive the hard things. And that? That isn't ok. 

Sometimes the hedged up winter way, is Love.

In the first Beatitude ( Matt. 5:3 ), Jesus says, " Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven." In the original Greek the word poor can also be translated as: helpless, fallen, begging. 

Blessed are the helpless.

Blessed are the fallen.

Blessed are the begging.

For theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

My soul feels the begging. Like a tired, worn soul with outstretched palm. My soul feels weak. A bit like the falling. And helpless? Yes. In many, many things. This beatitude? Please! Because whose soul doesn't want His heaven....

So if you are a summer soul too, don't feel your happy is leaving. Closed doors can mean a safe place. A mellow cabin with cocoa to warm with Jesus in. A sweater that says you don't have to be the muscle anymore...The brave and surviving. Sometimes we can't hack it. And it's ok to stop spinning. We are His children. There is no shame in wanting a lullaby.

I do.

So I am walking into the house. Letting Him close the door. We will watch the leaves fall and the snow become blanket. He and I, by kitchen table and soft light.... Coffee in hand and long talks to be had. His care in the cold. True warmth.  Hope's sweater.

Put on some socks and a favorite hoodie... True warm is coming.

Welcome winter. Show me my King.

Hero

He worked a 19 hour day this week, slept four hours and got up for another long. My wife heart aches that he has all this hard. I wish he truly knew how proud I am of him. He sometimes can barely keep his eyes open, but he tells me he will give 3T a bath. Him. Worrying about my load. He won't complain. He just bears up. 

I have a new hero. And his name is husband.

Last night he came home from first job. I could see the defeat. They'd put him on the hardest project. Thick trees swallowing power lines...  He put on a brave face, I saw his determined switch at dinner table. Asking his babies how their day was. Tired eyes seeking the joy of little ones. He falls asleep while we talk on the bed, " wake me at 9:30 love, I'll leave to clean then." So I sit beside him. There. On our bed. Just holding his hand and watching his face. 

Hard days hurt. These Seasons you pray thru but have to endure the wait. 

After that nap... He went and cleaned. This other business he is building and God is growing. We are thankful. 

When he comes home at 1:30am, he falls into bed only to be called out on a storm 2 hours later. Trees down. Power out. 

You know. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell, " you can't do this to him! It's too much. His body can't handle this!"  But I couldn't. He needs me brave too. He needs my believing. My praying. My hope. My quiet smile and my  " I believe in you baby. I'm right here. We will get thru this."

For the wives reading this... Let me pass on my learning. What I am seeing clearly these hard days. 

We are powerful. Very. We can either enable our men to face the hard...more brave, or we can pull them down with our nag. Do you drive your husband to the corner of your roof? ( proverbs 21:9 ) Or to the safe of your heart.

Do you build his courage to believe God will handle his hard?

Does he come home and fall into you safe, or does he sigh before he walks in the door...

 

Proverbs 14:1

We can shift the way a man processes. We can nag and be noise in his already full head, or we can be a calm that leads him home. 

Create a safeplace for your husband. A place he can unload without being told he isn't enough. A place where he can say how tired or angry he is, without being coached like he is a child.

If a man feels he isn't enough for the woman he loves, it cripples him. Hear that.

We can make them trip. We can make them run. We can drive them away from intimacy with us. Hard to hear right? But it's true. 

God made our place powerful because it is a gift. We can be hope to hard days. A smile to discouragement. A calm to anger. Soft emotion to bitter facts. Warm arms to hurting soul. Respect for wondering if their enough. Our position, our place matters. A lot. 

We would be wise to wake up and not take this lightly anymore.

Make his favorite place be your arms. Because he leaves them feeling fueled! Empowered by Jesus grace and love thru your holding. Thru your being a safeplace for him to process... A safeplace for him to let down his tough and be raw. Be that trustworthy.

See this amazing thing has been happening. My beloved and I are so tired. This schedule God is allowing for His own purpose, is grueling. Truly. It cause stress ripples that reach places you wouldn't think. But the tougher it has gotten, the more cared for we both feel. Because we are choosing the other. He worries about my hard, and I worry about his. He tries to make my load easier and I try and shoulder his. The more we do this, the more we draw close. I feel so in love with this overworked, exhausted man. And I am zealous in letting him know about it.

The enemy wants to trick us. He makes wives in particular, think that we can't make their lives richer because they need to pursue us first. It's their job to romance us, make us feel seen, loved, wanted....  True perhaps, we women are made to respond. But don't buy into the lie that you can't obey Jesus until your husband walks the line. This will begin to cripple your home. I know. I have done it.  Lots of times. " if he just did his job as a husband I could be unlocked to fully do mine..." Sound familiar? Like I'm in your head right? Lol.  The enemy tells all of us the same lines. Be done with it. Stand up and say " no more. I am done with believing this."

I am learning that it doesn't matter who SHOULD stand up and do their JOB first. It doesn't matter if they are or are not. Whenever one spouse loves out as they want to be loved (2nd greatest commandment here Matt. 22: 37-40 )choosing to love their mate richly no matter the circumstance... Life comes. The backwards Kingdom of God starts showing up and unlocking doors and hearts. Untying knots and demolishing walls. It makes the other spouse more receptive to Jesus. Hear that. It makes your beloved more receptive to Jesus.

I had to choose ( on many different occasions) to let go. Of what I thought I had a right to. Of what flow marriage roles should follow in what order. Of my own selfishness. 

See I was afraid if I loved my husband with reckless abandon, his life would be full and I would live hollow. That he would think all our problems were ok, because I seemed to love him anyway. That nothing would change and he would get all the benefits. Again. Lies ladies. Another hum dinger from the pit of hell. This one loves me. It comes knockin often. Thankful I have been recording it's features and can recognize it a bit sooner... Ha!  Because I have found the exact opposite to be true. 

When I love my man with abandon, it intrigues him. Why does she love me like crazy when I haven't.... Why does she adore me when I still....  Love that's real humbles us. It chips away facades and leads us home. Always.  It inevitabley leads my Mr. to pursue me more! Yup. You heard it hear. Whenever one person chooses to selflessly love, it bears fruit of Jesus in the other person. Sure. It may take time. But it does. I have seen it work in my marriage lots of times. And that includes my man loving me first, when I am ugly.

I guess I just wanted to give props to God's crazy Kingdom. To His incredible ways of opening locked doors. Chiseling down walls. And overcoming hearts. And the gift is?

We can choose to be apart of it. 

Love. 

Recklessly in Jesus. 

Watch Him move mountains and restore the broken.

I am witness. ( John 3:33 )

Husbands reading... All this applies to you too... Gods love is for all of us to live. But I am talking to wives today, because I am one... Because I am here. In this place.

Don't let more days go by. Love the heck out of that man. Make him shocked at your adoration. At your respect. At your delight in him. Despite all your marital challenges. Love anyway. Stop waiting.

Jesus didn't wait for us to apologize before He said yes to all our ugly on that cross. We spit and He laid down. We cast insults and vile and He opened his hands to nail. He hung before you were done. With your lies. With your manipulations.  With your anger. Your pornography. Your hatred. Your coping mechanisms. With your affairs. Whatever your idols, whatever your ugly, the point is He didn't wait. Jesus. Loved. When you were still defiant. Could he have waited for you to choose Him... To show him you are faithful.... That you really love Him? Yes. He could have. But He didn't.

I am not dumb. It's hard to love when we have been deeply hurt. A bleeding heart is hard to compose. But you can love Jesus when your spouse seems hard to look at. Love them by remembering, what you do unto your husband ( or wife ), you do unto Jesus. It's true. He says it right here, Matthew 25:40. Respect your husband, respect Jesus. Hold him in grace, and hold Jesus near. Forgive and taste God full. Because when we obey and let go of self love, Jesus comes. And whenever Jesus comes, things change. It His way. It's grace and beauty and hope!

So anyway. Here is this wife. Learning. And all I know is, my husband and I are exhausted...worn... But we are deeply in love. We are not, and haven't been strangers to pain and counseling sessions... But this is truly the most powerful thing I have witnessed in marriage. 1 Corinthians 13. 

The greatest of these... Is love.

So go. It's time.

For hope. Start with a promise. Matthew 11:28-30

It Has to Be Him.

She didn't know the way thru. He was so tired but had to keep going. The load he carried was so heavy. Too heavy by on lookers standards. 75 hours a week. This limbo that God seemed to allow with purpose. The job he hoped to leave...that stress. That belittling boss. That distance too far to travel each day. Then the other business. This one he started that God has begun to richly bless. When should he make the jump to just ... The waiting. So he trodges on. Little sleep and enduring energy only Jesus can conjure up in him. On lookers say he is crazy. I say he is hero. God says " in My time". 

Don't judge. You don't know the load God is asking people to carry. We usually aren't permitted to know the why. 

Then him. Yes. He had made a mistake. Then her...trying to make what really was, more ugly. She spreads lies, with help. And him? He feels fickle people's abandon. Those moments when you realize your friends aren't.  But Jesus walks close when backs turn. When others walk away and try and make us feel the space...He steps in nearest. 

So in the open raw, he grows. He sees Jesus friend in a way he never has. The hurt turns him to his Savior. Not from hell alone anymore, but from all this life. This hard grind. So the man braves the ugly rhythm. Because he wants to know the secrets of Jesus hidden places....and he fills. 

Don't judge. You don't know the beautiful God is weaving. Tapestries take time.

What about her whose faith is strong but body is weak? The illnesses keep coming. Her husband's heart hurts. He can't care for her adequately alone anymore. So they have to leave. Everything their sweet babies have known. This house that has been home. Like Abraham they have to go. Trusting God with the how of the unknown. New state, new house, new doctors, and New Life. 

Change. Don't assume. We all have branches He prunes because of love. The way thru can be fog to the hurting. Keep going. The Son will come out.

All of them. And more... 

Moves away from family. Marriages that hurt. Friends that abandon. Sickness that robs. Relationships that rip. Houses that are torn down. Jobs that take. Trials that nag. Hope that fades.

It's everywhere.

So I have been watching. Listening. And surviving some hard myself. Why? Sometimes that haunts. We get scared that this is all life is. 

So a thought keeps mulling. When it's like this...thick and losing... Maybe it's mountain. Just maybe it has to be too big. Big enough to put low a man's lofty thoughts on his own strength. That moment when we say, " I can't." Light starts to come. Foreboding mountains, thick air, raw hearts, and blind eyes... Beauty. 

Because Jesus Christ can. Because Jesus loves us enough to let us see we are not enough. That He still saves. That sometimes when the ugly comes too close, we have to receive it. As manna. Bread falling hard from heaven that will provide for us somehow. 

It's not about learning to love what hurts. Or adapt to what we can't change. It's about looking in and seeing Jesus was here all along. That this circumstance is perfect to tell a love story. About Him, and you. 

The light is brightest in life's pitch places.

I won't lie. I am tired. Of my own hard. Of my beloved husbands load he has to carry. Of seeing people dear to me be attacked, hurt, or rejected. Of friends who are sick endlessly, and hope that wanes on those dark days. But I believe Jesus more. I believe there is provision in what is just too bad to comprehend. Because it has to be Him. When it's all so unexplainable... Beauty is coming.

Because pitch black ends. And when it does there is a story we can tell.

Jesus.

Jesus never leaving us alone. Jesus giving us wisdom thru. Jesus moving mountains and opening locked doors. Jesus being strong when we can't breathe. Jesus picking us up...because we just can't.

So don't. Stop trying to push your story. Open your hands to what He is allowing... There is sustenance here. Feed on Him in your now. 

Pitch black ends.

Smile because you know Who is the outcome. Jesus. And He will not leave you...nor turn His back away. 

Smile because... You. Are. Held.

*Isaiah 45:3*

Go the Slowest

Life can throw some things. Things we have to process thick...and other times struggle thru blind. Often, we can get thru, only on the survive. I don't like this rhthym. It is trouble and makes me feel the lost.

I keep thinking this week that there has to be a way to go through the tough things and not feel clausetaphobic. A way to live and not simply survive suffocation. 

Well. I am the chief of the forgetful. I am sure I would come in at top 5 of the seemingly ditzy, simply because I forget! A lot! Two things here. One, I am human. A silly, stupid sheep in my Lord's beloved flock. And two, going too fast makes me forget. Our speed can mislead.

We chase after what we have to do. We chase after what we think we want. We chase after the relationships we think will fulfill. We chase after bargains. We chase after time frames and narrow slots. We race to be first. We race to be beautiful. We run to avoid tripping...aaaand we fall flat on our speedy faces. Ha! Because we are missing the point. I.... Am missing the point. Again. Oh and in case you aren't getting the picture? I. Forgot. Again.

So I emailed a woman I count friend and asked her advice. How do I slow live, in seasons that I cannot thin out? Seasons in which the circumstances just are. Are hard. Full. Required. How do I keep "being" of the seeing?

And as God's timing would have it, on her blog*, she passed on advice someone gave her. 

Pay attention. 

Always choose to pay attention. This alert awareness that God hasn't stopped loving. That He hasn't stopped making the beautiful and painting on butterfly backs. That even when I wiz by and see only blurr, the field of wildflowers is still that... Wildflowers. Tiny, amazing in design, wildflowers. But. Will I pay attention?

She encouraged me to have time to be awed. Be awed by the crazy details God spins, paints, weaves, and wittles. This Artist who makes beauty even when a whole world of people may miss it. He still paints anyway. Take time. To stand and be awed.

And when you slow. When you really see. Let that joy out. Turn that face of yours up and tell Him, " I see it!!" Don't be afraid to let your celebrate moment pour over onto others. Open your mouth... Say it. " I saw God today...."

So. I cried. I read her words on that God breathing blog, and I cried. Because she is right.  I haven't been paying attention. Again. And I am sad to be the whining in the desert. Again. And I want to live my life simple. Mellow and full. With a heart full of Jesus and people. Time to see, to thank Him, and to give the fullness away. 

Please Jesus. Do this in my life. Keep me of the seeing. And my lips always of the praising. I want to pay attention to the full of You, in all Your million little places.

Jesus in playdough with a giggling 3yr. old. Jesus in the biggest "dandelion" I have ever seen. Jesus in cotton candy clouds. Him there in the deep breaths of letting go. Letting go.

Jesus. Here. Now. Always.

So today I slowed. I want this way of life with my Jesus. I want it! So I took the slow long breaths.... I slowed my steps...and I actually looked up. I savored the joy of taking time for the strangers at Starbucks. I sat long with my babies and enjoyed the feel of sun on skin. I pulled off the freeway, parked, and I picked the wildflowers. Cause when I pay attention I can see it... Monet doesn't have a thing on God. And that. That makes me smile. A lot.

Take time to let go of time. Because how you spend it defines the shape of your soul. And if your not careful... If I am not careful.... The shape of our souls will be starvation. 

The table is set. The plates laid full. Cups running over. Wildflowers in vase center stage. This. 

" Taste and see that The Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!"

                                  ~Psalm 34:8

I am pulling out my chair. This is one meal I don't want to miss.

There a spot next to me. Coming?

* (You'll find her, who blessed, here:  aholyexperience.com Post of encouragement I refer to, is June 23 entry).